meeting girls at a cocktail party

How else can you show off your charm during a cocktail party conversation? What if a conversation turns boring, how do you rescue it? (or bail as fast as you can?)

I’ve told you that you should remember people’s names and what they do. It’s very important. It comes in handy when you want to control the pace of the conversation. When you take control, you immediately elevate yourself into a position of slightly higher authority. It’s a socio-psychological thing. When some jerk just won’t stop talking, you could simply divert attention by inviting others to join in the conversation. You can say something like, “so, what do you think John, you’re a lawyer, right?” Also, you can go around asking people’s opinion on just about anything. “What’s your take on this, Sam, our engineer here.” With this simple skill, you can also divert attention away from some boring bastard who thinks he’s the center of the world; you can save a boring conversation from plunging into the depths beyond redemption.

The point is not about the conversation itself. The point is to have the guts to speak up and take control of the pace of the conversation. When you go around and asking people to speak, you’re like the host of a show. You control the conversation. Women will perceive you as someone in power, in control.

This is how you “stand out”, even if you don’t have the looks. It takes practice, this is just a general guideline, attend some parties and develop your own skill.

meeting girls at a cocktail part

If you’re able to control the flow of a conversation, you have an advantage at cocktail parties. Women will be charmed by your confidence and skill.

As I said in the previous article, you should have remembered people’s names and what they do after chatting with them. This information will come in handy. For example, a lady tells you about her home-based small business and how she needs an accountant to help her close the books for the year, and you happened to have met an accountant that evening, you could tell her, “I just happened to know Dave over there, who might be able to help you. Let me introduce.” Then you should accompany her, walk her over to Dave and stay with the conversation as much as possible. Afterwards, ask her if Dave is helpful.

Now, let’s see. You’ve just done her a favor. You’ve given her the impression that you’re well-connected. And if you stayed with the conversation, you’ve shown her that you care enough to make sure Dave is helping her, and also, make sure Dave doesn’t steal her from you!

Damn, I’m smooth. Hope this helps. Go practise, guys!

meeting girls at a cocktail party

At cocktail parties, some guys just seem to attract women naturally, well, just not you! But why? What can you do to improve your charm? It’s not just looks that count, although good looks help. But for nerds like you, there are things you can do to improve you chances. In this issue, we talk about conversation techniques.

The number one fear people face when entering a cocktail party is about starting a conversation. You stand at the entrance like an idiot while everyone already has someone to talk to. You feel awkward and pretend to head for the food/drinks and put one sweating hand inside your pocket. NO, this is not the way! You can do better than this.

You gotta start a conversation ASAP. If you keep standing alone, you’ll just look like a loser. Here’s how. Observe the people who are already engaged in a conversation. By the looks on people’s faces you can tell if you’re welcome to join in the conversation. If you lack such sensitivity, just don’t try to break into a conversation where both parties seem to be emerged in their own worlds. You’ll be rudely interrupting. You might try to join in a conversation that seemed to be a little dry. Perhaps you are the person to light up the dried conversation. Sometimes it’s rude to interrupt, but you can tell by the body and facial cues that some people don’t mind you joining in. Join in the conversation soon to establish your “base” in the cocktail party. Learn people’s names and what they do by heart because this will come handy later on.

More later…how to control the pace and dictate a conversation.

So, you’re at a cocktail party, dressed to impress. Then you see her. You walk up to say hello and introduce yourself. You feel a rush and you blushed. Your tongue is tied and you didn’t know what else to say. Then, she loses interest and walks away after a superficial “nice meeting you and see you around.”. Bummer! You lost again! Guys, you gotta do better than this.

Now I’m gonna teach you the right way to approach an attractive female in cocktail parties.

There are a few simple rules that you should observe. It’s a cocktail, not a buffet dinner! There might be some finger-food served, but please don’t eat like a pig. Carrying a plate with ten kinds of snacks while struggling with a glass of wine makes you clumsy and silly-looking. Not only will you be unable to shake hands with other people, you will likely spill your wine too. So, it’s better to skip the food entire. Just carry a glass of wine and free up the other hand. If you need to eat, eat quickly and finish as soon as you can.

Remember she also came to the cocktail to meet people. Therefore you shouldn’t monopolize her time. If a third person approaches and try to join in the conversation, don’t feel pressured, and don’t try to shut the other person out either verbally or even physically. It’s simply immature and childish to do so. In fact, you should try to direct the conversation; this will put you in a leadership position among the three (or more) of people talking in the group. And if you have interesting topics and stories to share, she will be impressed.

next time, I’ll teach you how to manipulate conversation topics…good luck guys

A confident person does not necessary have good communication skills. These people are described as being cocky. Meanwhile, some people are very confident, firm, and sometimes quite intimidating but not necessary cocky. What’s the difference?

Confident people who: lack communication skills, cannot empathize with other people, refuse to acknowledge that people could have different views to be respected, are frequently judged as “cocky”.

Confident people who: listen to others, acknowledge that other people are entitled to their views while standing firm on his/her own values, are charming.

So how do you improve your communications skills and build your charm? First of all, shut your mouth. Listen, instead. If you’re talking all the time, people will think you’re in love with yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you? And after a while, they’ll get tired of listening to your stories. People will be interested in your stories only if you listen to theirs, and try to find something to connect with. So, remember this is rule number ONE.

Two, try to read their mind. You gotta be sensitive. You should read beyond one’s words. For everything a girl tells you, there is another side of the story that she didn’t tell. For example, if a girl talks about a previous break-up, or mentions an ex-boyfriend more than once. She is definitely a little bitter about it. She may say she is not, but in your mind you should have made a mental note. In short, look for signs, try to read into people’s minds even though they don’t tell you things. Then you will be able to form a mental picture of that person you’re talking to.

Three, respect others. This is by no means the least of the rules. You should respect other people’s views. Don’t be a total jerk. Believe in what you believe, but you don’t have to trash other people, ok. Learn that, and don’t use words to hurt or insult others. You will gain respect and charm.

Nerds never get any girls because they lack the confidence. As I explained in earlier articles, a major part of confidence comes from knowing yourself and feeling comfortable to express it.

You need to know where your bottom line is. Don’t let the girl intimidate you, even though she is a drop-dead gorgeous super-model. Dinner-whores, as they were popularly called on blogs and online forums, are notorious for using their looks to intimidate guys into paying for all kinds of perks. Surely, they dump you in the end and never put out. Nerds are especially vulnerable. This is why you need to build up your confidence. You can be firm and clear when you know your bottom line. Don’t be a “yes-man”. Being a “yes-man” will never get you girls.

Be firm. If she wants to eat Thai food but you’re wildly allergic to Thai food. Just say NO. There are guys who would go with it. If she’s asking for something outrageous on your first date and you don’t feel comfortable, complain, by all means. If she wants to see a movie that is totally uninteresting to you, decline! The point of going to the movies together is to watch a movie that you BOTH enjoy. If she doesn’t have the right attitude, she’s not worth your effort. Sometimes, you have to be a jerk.

A confident man attracts females

So being a nerd, condemned forever to be unable to get laid, how do you turn things around, build your confidence and attract women?

Do something, be someone. First you gotta stop being a bum. I’ve seen many cases of guys that are total losers who bum around doing nothing. You’ll never get women like that. You must be good at something. If you’re good at something useful, work on it, develop your talent. Men with no talent are a total turnoff for women. If you have nothing to show and nothing to talk about, how un-interesting are you? Nobody wants to talk to a person like that.

If you think your talent is weird and out-of-the-line, okay, but do something about it. Having achieved something is better than nothing. If you talent is removing belly-button lint without using hands, fine. Perform at a club, start a weirdo’s freak-show or something. At least your local paper will cover your event (assuming you didn’t already end up on the police log). Having achieved something proves that you have the drive to succeed in life. Women will respect that.

Confidence

Looks isn’t all that counts. Have you noticed that it’s not necessarily good looks that make a guy popular? Ever wondered why that bald pig, as you call him, is with a young hot lady. Most guys arrive at the conclusion: she’s after his money, he’s just a rich bastard; yea yea yea, that’s just the sour grapes! But if you’re serious about improving your chances with the ladies, you should ask questions in more depth. Learn from others’ strengths and mistakes.

It’s really the success, power and confidence of men that attracts women. If a man is successful, there is something charming about him that women find sexy. Men in powerful positions have an ability to influence and motivate others. This kind of emotional power over others can capture women’s hearts easily. Similarly, men with confidence are more attractive to women.

So, what does it mean for you nerds? You gotta have Confidence! Stop acting like a nerd. Build your self-esteem. How to have confidence? Well, I’m not your mom. But I’ll share a little bit. I think the major factors are (1) do something, be someone, (2) asserting yourself, and (3) communication skills.

at the movies

Seeing a movie is an essential part of dating. Listen nerds, you need to get it right. These are the things you need to pay attention to:

1. Choosing the right film: women are emotional, so for goodness’ sake don’t bring her to a war movie, stupid teenage horror flicks or any movie with blood and gore (such as Alien vs Predator), or Hollywood action movies. Women simply don’t feel for wars, monsters from outer space or kung-fu actions. If you think it’s okay to bring a girl to these movies, you have a problem. It’s actually YOU who want to see the movie, right? So it’s just all about YOU. Did you consider whether she will enjoy it? With women, it’s better to choose something warm and fuzzy, touching and humorous. If she’s the sentimental type, choose a movie that makes her cry, if she’s outgoing, choose humor. Is it that difficult? How come so many guys still get it wrong?
2. Buying the ticket: Plea…se, buy your tickets in advance. Guys are lazy, I know. Are you gonna make her stand in line with you? She’s in her high heels, and it’s cold(or hot) outside. And she has to stand in line to get tickets. Worse still, if it’s sold out then your movie plan is gone. Or perhaps there’re only seats left in the front row and the back corner. It just looks bad on you. In the United States, your ticket allows you to walk in and sit wherever. So please arrive early and make sure you get good seats. In Asia, most theaters have assigned seats so it’s not a big problem.
3. Inside the theater: Movie theaters are cold. Show that you care by offering her your coat. If she cries during the movie, give her some tissue paper. (proper tissue paper please, not those leftover napkins from the corner Chinese restaurant that was left in your pocket since 2 months ago). And please turn off your cell phone. This isn’t a problem in the Western world but seem to be in Asia. Once in China, some guy next to me answered his phone during a movie. Come on, it’s basic social etiquette. What’s wrong with you people?

at the movies

去看电影, 是你追求她的过程中的必须环节. 处理适当, 她就会对你留下好的印象. 你们电车男要注意的事情如下:

1. 选择电影: 女人是感情的动物, 你就不要选战争片, Hollywood式的恐怖片(那仲大量血腥或怪物黏液其实一点都不恐怖, 只是用特技效果来吓人)比如Alien vs Predator, 或者打抖片/工夫片. 因为女人是不会为怪物, 战争或打抖而感动的. 你请她去看这类型的电影她会觉得你不够细心, 完全是出于你自己想看, 也没有考虑她想不想看这电影, 还要她浪费两个小时来陪你. 选电影之前要看看网上的评语, 选好了目标才行动. 建议选一些小品或让人感动的题材. 女人毕竟是感情丰富的.
2. 买票/订票: 你要赢得她的心, 就要让她感觉到她有多重要. 所以你约她看电影必须要提前订好票. 大部分电车男都不细心. 每次看电影都是临时排队买票. 你们太差劲了, 你想, 一个女孩子穿了高根鞋, 外面天气又冷(热). 答应你出来看电影, 还要站在门口排队买票, 排到头又发现满座没票了,或者只剩下旁边/角落最不好的位置, 你的安排太不像样了, 你怎么当男人的呀? 在美国, 电影界的票是没有固定位置的, 买了票就随便坐哪里都行. 所以要提前到达, 迟到的如果运气不好就只能分开坐了. 在亚洲一般的电影院都是固定对号入座的, 问题不大.
3. 电影院里的表现: 你们两要在一起待两个小时, 正好是你表现你伸士风度的好机会. 电影院都很冷. 你应该问她要不要你的衣服. 万一看了感动的情节她哭了你要准备纸巾. 啊, 忘了提醒你们, 关掉手机. 在外国, 人家都很懂得礼貌, 看电影关手机. 在中国我就试过有人在我旁边接电话, 我简直想当场把他干掉.