meeting girls at a cocktail party

How else can you show off your charm during a cocktail party conversation? What if a conversation turns boring, how do you rescue it? (or bail as fast as you can?)

I’ve told you that you should remember people’s names and what they do. It’s very important. It comes in handy when you want to control the pace of the conversation. When you take control, you immediately elevate yourself into a position of slightly higher authority. It’s a socio-psychological thing. When some jerk just won’t stop talking, you could simply divert attention by inviting others to join in the conversation. You can say something like, “so, what do you think John, you’re a lawyer, right?” Also, you can go around asking people’s opinion on just about anything. “What’s your take on this, Sam, our engineer here.” With this simple skill, you can also divert attention away from some boring bastard who thinks he’s the center of the world; you can save a boring conversation from plunging into the depths beyond redemption.

The point is not about the conversation itself. The point is to have the guts to speak up and take control of the pace of the conversation. When you go around and asking people to speak, you’re like the host of a show. You control the conversation. Women will perceive you as someone in power, in control.

This is how you “stand out”, even if you don’t have the looks. It takes practice, this is just a general guideline, attend some parties and develop your own skill.

meeting girls at a cocktail part

If you’re able to control the flow of a conversation, you have an advantage at cocktail parties. Women will be charmed by your confidence and skill.

As I said in the previous article, you should have remembered people’s names and what they do after chatting with them. This information will come in handy. For example, a lady tells you about her home-based small business and how she needs an accountant to help her close the books for the year, and you happened to have met an accountant that evening, you could tell her, “I just happened to know Dave over there, who might be able to help you. Let me introduce.” Then you should accompany her, walk her over to Dave and stay with the conversation as much as possible. Afterwards, ask her if Dave is helpful.

Now, let’s see. You’ve just done her a favor. You’ve given her the impression that you’re well-connected. And if you stayed with the conversation, you’ve shown her that you care enough to make sure Dave is helping her, and also, make sure Dave doesn’t steal her from you!

Damn, I’m smooth. Hope this helps. Go practise, guys!

I have seen lots of miserable moves from guys in Disco/Club (or bar with dance floor, whatever you want to call that). Now let us share some secrets on how to pick up ladies on the dance floor or club.

Remember, to be able to pick up ladies on dance floor or clubs, you need to understand what works and what doesn’t in that atmosphere, as well as pick the right atmosphere. Are you ready? Let’s start from the venue and music choice, shall we?

Music - First thing first, just focus on Hip Hop club, forget about all other trance, techno, house clubs, period. You only need to be good at hip hop dance to pick up ladies on the dance floor, forget about dancing trance, techno, etc. Why? Because you can really dance with a girl together in Hip Hop, not trance or techno. If you want to do Salsa, that’s fine too. The key is to go to a club that plays music that you can actually dance with girls; not dance alone.

Venue - Pick a medium size venue. If the venue is too small or too big (with few people), all your pick up moves from one corner will be spotted by everyone from the other corner, which drastically decreases you chance if you fail. Remember, this is a trial and error game, so there are success and failure, if you fail on one , move on to the others. So you better not be spotted on failure by all the people in the club

Dress - I have seen lots of guys dressing sloppy in the clubs. Come on guys, you are meeting girls, so please dress smart and sexy. No shorts and nerdy clothes please. Here are my tips, dress shirt and jeans, and dress shoes always work. Most of the girls like it, neat and sexy. Do NOT tuck-in your shirts. Make sure you wear some good cologne because girls are very sensitive to good cologne; they would even come up and praise your cologne and sniff on your neck if your smell impresses them! Wearing cap or hat is not a bad idea if you want to act cool. But remember, you have to look cool, not dumb.

This is it for Part I. Hope it is useful. More parts coming.

Now forget about verbal communication

meeting girls at a cocktail party

At cocktail parties, some guys just seem to attract women naturally, well, just not you! But why? What can you do to improve your charm? It’s not just looks that count, although good looks help. But for nerds like you, there are things you can do to improve you chances. In this issue, we talk about conversation techniques.

The number one fear people face when entering a cocktail party is about starting a conversation. You stand at the entrance like an idiot while everyone already has someone to talk to. You feel awkward and pretend to head for the food/drinks and put one sweating hand inside your pocket. NO, this is not the way! You can do better than this.

You gotta start a conversation ASAP. If you keep standing alone, you’ll just look like a loser. Here’s how. Observe the people who are already engaged in a conversation. By the looks on people’s faces you can tell if you’re welcome to join in the conversation. If you lack such sensitivity, just don’t try to break into a conversation where both parties seem to be emerged in their own worlds. You’ll be rudely interrupting. You might try to join in a conversation that seemed to be a little dry. Perhaps you are the person to light up the dried conversation. Sometimes it’s rude to interrupt, but you can tell by the body and facial cues that some people don’t mind you joining in. Join in the conversation soon to establish your “base” in the cocktail party. Learn people’s names and what they do by heart because this will come handy later on.

More later…how to control the pace and dictate a conversation.

So, you’re at a cocktail party, dressed to impress. Then you see her. You walk up to say hello and introduce yourself. You feel a rush and you blushed. Your tongue is tied and you didn’t know what else to say. Then, she loses interest and walks away after a superficial “nice meeting you and see you around.”. Bummer! You lost again! Guys, you gotta do better than this.

Now I’m gonna teach you the right way to approach an attractive female in cocktail parties.

There are a few simple rules that you should observe. It’s a cocktail, not a buffet dinner! There might be some finger-food served, but please don’t eat like a pig. Carrying a plate with ten kinds of snacks while struggling with a glass of wine makes you clumsy and silly-looking. Not only will you be unable to shake hands with other people, you will likely spill your wine too. So, it’s better to skip the food entire. Just carry a glass of wine and free up the other hand. If you need to eat, eat quickly and finish as soon as you can.

Remember she also came to the cocktail to meet people. Therefore you shouldn’t monopolize her time. If a third person approaches and try to join in the conversation, don’t feel pressured, and don’t try to shut the other person out either verbally or even physically. It’s simply immature and childish to do so. In fact, you should try to direct the conversation; this will put you in a leadership position among the three (or more) of people talking in the group. And if you have interesting topics and stories to share, she will be impressed.

next time, I’ll teach you how to manipulate conversation topics…good luck guys

A confident person does not necessary have good communication skills. These people are described as being cocky. Meanwhile, some people are very confident, firm, and sometimes quite intimidating but not necessary cocky. What’s the difference?

Confident people who: lack communication skills, cannot empathize with other people, refuse to acknowledge that people could have different views to be respected, are frequently judged as “cocky”.

Confident people who: listen to others, acknowledge that other people are entitled to their views while standing firm on his/her own values, are charming.

So how do you improve your communications skills and build your charm? First of all, shut your mouth. Listen, instead. If you’re talking all the time, people will think you’re in love with yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you? And after a while, they’ll get tired of listening to your stories. People will be interested in your stories only if you listen to theirs, and try to find something to connect with. So, remember this is rule number ONE.

Two, try to read their mind. You gotta be sensitive. You should read beyond one’s words. For everything a girl tells you, there is another side of the story that she didn’t tell. For example, if a girl talks about a previous break-up, or mentions an ex-boyfriend more than once. She is definitely a little bitter about it. She may say she is not, but in your mind you should have made a mental note. In short, look for signs, try to read into people’s minds even though they don’t tell you things. Then you will be able to form a mental picture of that person you’re talking to.

Three, respect others. This is by no means the least of the rules. You should respect other people’s views. Don’t be a total jerk. Believe in what you believe, but you don’t have to trash other people, ok. Learn that, and don’t use words to hurt or insult others. You will gain respect and charm.

Attitude is the key of getting girls. You do not need to have a perfectly handsome look of Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt to be able to score hot girls; you just need to have a charismatic attitude. A large part of being smooth lies on showing your unique attitude. It’s the attitude that triggers seduction and emotional wants from the opposite sex.

What’s ‘charismatic’ means in girls mind? Should you be a super nice guy? NO. Be the opposite of it. This is the only important thing to remember if you forget everything from this post. Why being a super nice guy won’t get your any girls? Because there are all other men out there are the nice guys! You do not stand out in front of girls by being another ‘ nice guy. Period.

Attractive girls always have a crush (or fall in love) with bad guys, like rockstar, motorcycle rebels, cowboys, etc. Why? Because they are rebels, unique in a male seductive ways, and female likes it. Humans are mammals, which are no different from animals; female is attracted to male’s dominant genres, power, and conquering attitude.

Don’t get us wrong, you do not really need to play guitar, ride motorcycle to get girls (of course that would help though), you just need to have the same ‘bad guy’ attitude. This attitude can be learnt. We will discuss about this in the later posts. To start with, just remember not to do what a normal nice guy would do, and they you are already half way through success.

Nerds never get any girls because they lack the confidence. As I explained in earlier articles, a major part of confidence comes from knowing yourself and feeling comfortable to express it.

You need to know where your bottom line is. Don’t let the girl intimidate you, even though she is a drop-dead gorgeous super-model. Dinner-whores, as they were popularly called on blogs and online forums, are notorious for using their looks to intimidate guys into paying for all kinds of perks. Surely, they dump you in the end and never put out. Nerds are especially vulnerable. This is why you need to build up your confidence. You can be firm and clear when you know your bottom line. Don’t be a “yes-man”. Being a “yes-man” will never get you girls.

Be firm. If she wants to eat Thai food but you’re wildly allergic to Thai food. Just say NO. There are guys who would go with it. If she’s asking for something outrageous on your first date and you don’t feel comfortable, complain, by all means. If she wants to see a movie that is totally uninteresting to you, decline! The point of going to the movies together is to watch a movie that you BOTH enjoy. If she doesn’t have the right attitude, she’s not worth your effort. Sometimes, you have to be a jerk.

A confident man attracts females

So being a nerd, condemned forever to be unable to get laid, how do you turn things around, build your confidence and attract women?

Do something, be someone. First you gotta stop being a bum. I’ve seen many cases of guys that are total losers who bum around doing nothing. You’ll never get women like that. You must be good at something. If you’re good at something useful, work on it, develop your talent. Men with no talent are a total turnoff for women. If you have nothing to show and nothing to talk about, how un-interesting are you? Nobody wants to talk to a person like that.

If you think your talent is weird and out-of-the-line, okay, but do something about it. Having achieved something is better than nothing. If you talent is removing belly-button lint without using hands, fine. Perform at a club, start a weirdo’s freak-show or something. At least your local paper will cover your event (assuming you didn’t already end up on the police log). Having achieved something proves that you have the drive to succeed in life. Women will respect that.