meeting girls at a cocktail party

How else can you show off your charm during a cocktail party conversation? What if a conversation turns boring, how do you rescue it? (or bail as fast as you can?)

I’ve told you that you should remember people’s names and what they do. It’s very important. It comes in handy when you want to control the pace of the conversation. When you take control, you immediately elevate yourself into a position of slightly higher authority. It’s a socio-psychological thing. When some jerk just won’t stop talking, you could simply divert attention by inviting others to join in the conversation. You can say something like, “so, what do you think John, you’re a lawyer, right?” Also, you can go around asking people’s opinion on just about anything. “What’s your take on this, Sam, our engineer here.” With this simple skill, you can also divert attention away from some boring bastard who thinks he’s the center of the world; you can save a boring conversation from plunging into the depths beyond redemption.

The point is not about the conversation itself. The point is to have the guts to speak up and take control of the pace of the conversation. When you go around and asking people to speak, you’re like the host of a show. You control the conversation. Women will perceive you as someone in power, in control.

This is how you “stand out”, even if you don’t have the looks. It takes practice, this is just a general guideline, attend some parties and develop your own skill.

meeting girls at a cocktail party

At cocktail parties, some guys just seem to attract women naturally, well, just not you! But why? What can you do to improve your charm? It’s not just looks that count, although good looks help. But for nerds like you, there are things you can do to improve you chances. In this issue, we talk about conversation techniques.

The number one fear people face when entering a cocktail party is about starting a conversation. You stand at the entrance like an idiot while everyone already has someone to talk to. You feel awkward and pretend to head for the food/drinks and put one sweating hand inside your pocket. NO, this is not the way! You can do better than this.

You gotta start a conversation ASAP. If you keep standing alone, you’ll just look like a loser. Here’s how. Observe the people who are already engaged in a conversation. By the looks on people’s faces you can tell if you’re welcome to join in the conversation. If you lack such sensitivity, just don’t try to break into a conversation where both parties seem to be emerged in their own worlds. You’ll be rudely interrupting. You might try to join in a conversation that seemed to be a little dry. Perhaps you are the person to light up the dried conversation. Sometimes it’s rude to interrupt, but you can tell by the body and facial cues that some people don’t mind you joining in. Join in the conversation soon to establish your “base” in the cocktail party. Learn people’s names and what they do by heart because this will come handy later on.

More later…how to control the pace and dictate a conversation.

So, you’re at a cocktail party, dressed to impress. Then you see her. You walk up to say hello and introduce yourself. You feel a rush and you blushed. Your tongue is tied and you didn’t know what else to say. Then, she loses interest and walks away after a superficial “nice meeting you and see you around.”. Bummer! You lost again! Guys, you gotta do better than this.

Now I’m gonna teach you the right way to approach an attractive female in cocktail parties.

There are a few simple rules that you should observe. It’s a cocktail, not a buffet dinner! There might be some finger-food served, but please don’t eat like a pig. Carrying a plate with ten kinds of snacks while struggling with a glass of wine makes you clumsy and silly-looking. Not only will you be unable to shake hands with other people, you will likely spill your wine too. So, it’s better to skip the food entire. Just carry a glass of wine and free up the other hand. If you need to eat, eat quickly and finish as soon as you can.

Remember she also came to the cocktail to meet people. Therefore you shouldn’t monopolize her time. If a third person approaches and try to join in the conversation, don’t feel pressured, and don’t try to shut the other person out either verbally or even physically. It’s simply immature and childish to do so. In fact, you should try to direct the conversation; this will put you in a leadership position among the three (or more) of people talking in the group. And if you have interesting topics and stories to share, she will be impressed.

next time, I’ll teach you how to manipulate conversation topics…good luck guys

A confident person does not necessary have good communication skills. These people are described as being cocky. Meanwhile, some people are very confident, firm, and sometimes quite intimidating but not necessary cocky. What’s the difference?

Confident people who: lack communication skills, cannot empathize with other people, refuse to acknowledge that people could have different views to be respected, are frequently judged as “cocky”.

Confident people who: listen to others, acknowledge that other people are entitled to their views while standing firm on his/her own values, are charming.

So how do you improve your communications skills and build your charm? First of all, shut your mouth. Listen, instead. If you’re talking all the time, people will think you’re in love with yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you? And after a while, they’ll get tired of listening to your stories. People will be interested in your stories only if you listen to theirs, and try to find something to connect with. So, remember this is rule number ONE.

Two, try to read their mind. You gotta be sensitive. You should read beyond one’s words. For everything a girl tells you, there is another side of the story that she didn’t tell. For example, if a girl talks about a previous break-up, or mentions an ex-boyfriend more than once. She is definitely a little bitter about it. She may say she is not, but in your mind you should have made a mental note. In short, look for signs, try to read into people’s minds even though they don’t tell you things. Then you will be able to form a mental picture of that person you’re talking to.

Three, respect others. This is by no means the least of the rules. You should respect other people’s views. Don’t be a total jerk. Believe in what you believe, but you don’t have to trash other people, ok. Learn that, and don’t use words to hurt or insult others. You will gain respect and charm.

What’s ‘charismatic’ means in girls mind? Should you be a super nice guy? NO. Be the opposite of it. This is the only important thing to remember if you forget everything from this post. Why being a super nice guy won’t get your any girls? Because there are all other men out there are the nice guys! You do not stand out in front of girls by being another ‘ nice guy. Period.

Attractive girls always have a crush (or fall in love) with bad guys, like rockstar, motorcycle rebels, cowboys, etc. Why? Because they are rebels, unique in a male seductive ways, and female likes it. Humans are mammals, which are no different from animals; female is attracted to male’s dominant genres, power, and conquering attitude.

Don’t get us wrong, you do not really need to play guitar, ride motorcycle to get girls (of course that would help though), you just need to have the same ‘bad guy’ attitude. This attitude can be learnt. We will discuss about this in the later posts. To start with, just remember not to do what a normal nice guy would do, and they you are already half way through success.

Nerds never get any girls because they lack the confidence. As I explained in earlier articles, a major part of confidence comes from knowing yourself and feeling comfortable to express it.

You need to know where your bottom line is. Don’t let the girl intimidate you, even though she is a drop-dead gorgeous super-model. Dinner-whores, as they were popularly called on blogs and online forums, are notorious for using their looks to intimidate guys into paying for all kinds of perks. Surely, they dump you in the end and never put out. Nerds are especially vulnerable. This is why you need to build up your confidence. You can be firm and clear when you know your bottom line. Don’t be a “yes-man”. Being a “yes-man” will never get you girls.

Be firm. If she wants to eat Thai food but you’re wildly allergic to Thai food. Just say NO. There are guys who would go with it. If she’s asking for something outrageous on your first date and you don’t feel comfortable, complain, by all means. If she wants to see a movie that is totally uninteresting to you, decline! The point of going to the movies together is to watch a movie that you BOTH enjoy. If she doesn’t have the right attitude, she’s not worth your effort. Sometimes, you have to be a jerk.

A confident man attracts females

So being a nerd, condemned forever to be unable to get laid, how do you turn things around, build your confidence and attract women?

Do something, be someone. First you gotta stop being a bum. I’ve seen many cases of guys that are total losers who bum around doing nothing. You’ll never get women like that. You must be good at something. If you’re good at something useful, work on it, develop your talent. Men with no talent are a total turnoff for women. If you have nothing to show and nothing to talk about, how un-interesting are you? Nobody wants to talk to a person like that.

If you think your talent is weird and out-of-the-line, okay, but do something about it. Having achieved something is better than nothing. If you talent is removing belly-button lint without using hands, fine. Perform at a club, start a weirdo’s freak-show or something. At least your local paper will cover your event (assuming you didn’t already end up on the police log). Having achieved something proves that you have the drive to succeed in life. Women will respect that.

Be different - Be opposite to a nice guy! Never explicitly praise a girl, never buy girls dinner, never ‘walk’ the girl home, never call the girls, never buy girls gift in any non-special occasion. Yes you hear us right! Do the opposite things to what all the nice guys do. Good news for you: Being a cool guys is pretty easy, do not do anything, keep the girls guessing. Now this is different!

Seductive Attitude - Then all of you are going to ask: Okay I could not do all the above, then what can I do? Be more ‘Proud’ about yourself in front of girls, and show in actions that the girls (even the drop-dead gorgeous ones that you are dying to get) are not that important to you. We are not asking you to praise yourself all the time, but we are asking you to act like a jerk in front of girls to seduce them. You need to have the attitude that you are giving the girls a chance to meet you, rather than you give them a chance. Stop making her think that she’s the center of attention. YOU are the center of attention. The strategy is to be in front of the girls, but treat them as normal people (less important than you). Show the girls that they are just normal people. Do not panic because you like that girl

Seductive Tease - This is a further step to get girls once you master the chill and jerk attitude. Instead of praising the girls all the time (which 1000 other normal guys do), tease the girls. Yes you heard me right! Tease them. How? Try this: Instead of saying ‘Wow your hair is beautiful’, playfully tease the girls and say ‘Haha you hair looks like a wig!’ and touch on their hair at the same time. Instead of saying ‘your dress looks pretty’, say ‘Your dress makes you look like a Christmas tree, Ha!’ Say it with a sense of humor or laugh, and briefly touch their hair or dress; or even ask them to turn around and see if they get fat. Girls will not be angry at these, instead they will feel more comfortable with you.

Look! Now you are different from the other guys!

Confidence

Looks isn’t all that counts. Have you noticed that it’s not necessarily good looks that make a guy popular? Ever wondered why that bald pig, as you call him, is with a young hot lady. Most guys arrive at the conclusion: she’s after his money, he’s just a rich bastard; yea yea yea, that’s just the sour grapes! But if you’re serious about improving your chances with the ladies, you should ask questions in more depth. Learn from others’ strengths and mistakes.

It’s really the success, power and confidence of men that attracts women. If a man is successful, there is something charming about him that women find sexy. Men in powerful positions have an ability to influence and motivate others. This kind of emotional power over others can capture women’s hearts easily. Similarly, men with confidence are more attractive to women.

So, what does it mean for you nerds? You gotta have Confidence! Stop acting like a nerd. Build your self-esteem. How to have confidence? Well, I’m not your mom. But I’ll share a little bit. I think the major factors are (1) do something, be someone, (2) asserting yourself, and (3) communication skills.

电车男, 又名宅男. 日语是御宅族(Otaku). 除了沉迷电玩, 缺乏社交之外, 他们其中之一的特色是找不到女朋友. 基本上没有女孩子愿意跟电车男在一起. 其实他们也不蠢, 有些有硕士学位甚至博士学位. 只是他们不懂得细心体谅女生, 不了解女生, 也不知道怎样approach女生, 或者社交能力特别低. 我认识一个男孩是UC Berkeley硕士生毕业, 样子长得一本正经的, 很不错吧. 但是就是每次追女生都失败. 还有女生拒绝跟他再联系, 朋友也做不成. 你说多可怜.

我们是一班对女生特别有一套的男孩. 自问追到手的女生无数, 也有很多女生找上门, 自动奉献. 我们长得不错, 说不上很帅. 但是对女生是要技巧的, 我们就是掌握了技巧. 我们这个project就是要救救你们这班电车男, 为男人争争一口气!

有些话, 你听了不爽, 那是你的问题. 别找我们麻烦. 如果你不是电车男, 而且对我们写的有所意见, 你可以在blog上面发表意见. 如果要挑战我们的话, 就别浪费时间. 我们哪有时间跟你吵? 你就省了麻烦吧. 我们几个有的写中文, 有的写英文, 有中英都写. 你看不懂英文那就是你的问题, 与我们无关, 是你不够international.

希望能帮到你们.