A confident person does not necessary have good communication skills. These people are described as being cocky. Meanwhile, some people are very confident, firm, and sometimes quite intimidating but not necessary cocky. What’s the difference?

Confident people who: lack communication skills, cannot empathize with other people, refuse to acknowledge that people could have different views to be respected, are frequently judged as “cocky”.

Confident people who: listen to others, acknowledge that other people are entitled to their views while standing firm on his/her own values, are charming.

So how do you improve your communications skills and build your charm? First of all, shut your mouth. Listen, instead. If you’re talking all the time, people will think you’re in love with yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you? And after a while, they’ll get tired of listening to your stories. People will be interested in your stories only if you listen to theirs, and try to find something to connect with. So, remember this is rule number ONE.

Two, try to read their mind. You gotta be sensitive. You should read beyond one’s words. For everything a girl tells you, there is another side of the story that she didn’t tell. For example, if a girl talks about a previous break-up, or mentions an ex-boyfriend more than once. She is definitely a little bitter about it. She may say she is not, but in your mind you should have made a mental note. In short, look for signs, try to read into people’s minds even though they don’t tell you things. Then you will be able to form a mental picture of that person you’re talking to.

Three, respect others. This is by no means the least of the rules. You should respect other people’s views. Don’t be a total jerk. Believe in what you believe, but you don’t have to trash other people, ok. Learn that, and don’t use words to hurt or insult others. You will gain respect and charm.

Nerds never get any girls because they lack the confidence. As I explained in earlier articles, a major part of confidence comes from knowing yourself and feeling comfortable to express it.

You need to know where your bottom line is. Don’t let the girl intimidate you, even though she is a drop-dead gorgeous super-model. Dinner-whores, as they were popularly called on blogs and online forums, are notorious for using their looks to intimidate guys into paying for all kinds of perks. Surely, they dump you in the end and never put out. Nerds are especially vulnerable. This is why you need to build up your confidence. You can be firm and clear when you know your bottom line. Don’t be a “yes-man”. Being a “yes-man” will never get you girls.

Be firm. If she wants to eat Thai food but you’re wildly allergic to Thai food. Just say NO. There are guys who would go with it. If she’s asking for something outrageous on your first date and you don’t feel comfortable, complain, by all means. If she wants to see a movie that is totally uninteresting to you, decline! The point of going to the movies together is to watch a movie that you BOTH enjoy. If she doesn’t have the right attitude, she’s not worth your effort. Sometimes, you have to be a jerk.

A confident man attracts females

So being a nerd, condemned forever to be unable to get laid, how do you turn things around, build your confidence and attract women?

Do something, be someone. First you gotta stop being a bum. I’ve seen many cases of guys that are total losers who bum around doing nothing. You’ll never get women like that. You must be good at something. If you’re good at something useful, work on it, develop your talent. Men with no talent are a total turnoff for women. If you have nothing to show and nothing to talk about, how un-interesting are you? Nobody wants to talk to a person like that.

If you think your talent is weird and out-of-the-line, okay, but do something about it. Having achieved something is better than nothing. If you talent is removing belly-button lint without using hands, fine. Perform at a club, start a weirdo’s freak-show or something. At least your local paper will cover your event (assuming you didn’t already end up on the police log). Having achieved something proves that you have the drive to succeed in life. Women will respect that.

Confidence

Looks isn’t all that counts. Have you noticed that it’s not necessarily good looks that make a guy popular? Ever wondered why that bald pig, as you call him, is with a young hot lady. Most guys arrive at the conclusion: she’s after his money, he’s just a rich bastard; yea yea yea, that’s just the sour grapes! But if you’re serious about improving your chances with the ladies, you should ask questions in more depth. Learn from others’ strengths and mistakes.

It’s really the success, power and confidence of men that attracts women. If a man is successful, there is something charming about him that women find sexy. Men in powerful positions have an ability to influence and motivate others. This kind of emotional power over others can capture women’s hearts easily. Similarly, men with confidence are more attractive to women.

So, what does it mean for you nerds? You gotta have Confidence! Stop acting like a nerd. Build your self-esteem. How to have confidence? Well, I’m not your mom. But I’ll share a little bit. I think the major factors are (1) do something, be someone, (2) asserting yourself, and (3) communication skills.